A two paragraph anthropocentric history of the universe
Goes something like this, Massive quantum mechanical fluctuations create energy and space-time. This mix starts expanding outward at the speed of light. As the energy expends outward, it cools. As it cools it forms the light subatomic particles known as leptons (includes electrons) as it cools further, other sub atomic particles are formed, mostly quarks. These quarks, as a consequence of the way they behave, form the heavier particles known as the bosons, which include neutrons and protons. There is still too much energy however to let these particles form atoms, as everything is so 'hot' any atom that formed would be immediately torn apart. When the energy creates matter, it creates a very small amount more of matter than antimatter, as the space-time continues to expand outward, the matter and anti matter bosons annihilate each other, leaving the small left over excess of matter to form the rest of the universe as we know it. It is now cool enough for atoms to form, and a significant amount of hydrogen is born. As it expands outward and cools, small inconsistencies in the dispersion of matter create areas where matter starts to congregate, soon hydrogen clouds form, soon after that they get denser and denser, attracting nearby matter. They collapse into spinning spheres, and gravitational attraction eventually outweighs the pressure of the hydrogen atoms and they start to fuse. The fusion process take a full 10,000 years to ignite, but soon the star is burning hydrogen and converting it down a fusion cycle to carbon. When the stars use up most of their hydrogen fuel, the heavier elements start to fuse. When those are used up the star starts to collapse under its own weight, soon it explodes violently. The explosion contains enough energy to fuse more of the heavier elements, and spews this matter across interstellar space. A billion years after this first generation of stars die, the heavy element 'starstuff' that was released in these great explosions start to congregate. They collapse under gravitational attraction into great spinning spheres, forming planets. Second generation stars begin to ignite forming stars that warm those newly formed planets. A few of these planets are in a delicate band of space around their parent stars that permit the existence of liquid water, the perfect medium for chemical evolution to occur.
That process is somewhat as follows, atoms form molecules as a consequence of the way they interact, those molecules form macro molecules, some of the end up getting carbon as a backbone and form long complex repetitive chains which as a consequence of the way atoms and molecules interact end up making replicas of parts of the chain, creating other molecules that can make replicas of parts, soon enough the entire chain can make a copy of itself, these copying chains proliferate and are the first self replicating molecules. These overwhelm their available resources and through copying errors alter the particular things they do in one form or another. The self-replicating molecules form symbiotic relationships only as a consequence of the way atoms and molecules interact, soon forming prokaryotic cells after 1.5 billion years. Soon to follow were eukaryotic cells, cellular colonies, and then multicellular organisms. Once the multicellular organisms were around, the evolutionary process really took off. Small variations in genetic copying mechanisms formed small variations in offspring organisms; some were better adapted to a particular environment, some less. The ones that were better adapted had more offspring, thus changes spread throughout populations, creating new species over time. Sexual reproduction evolved as a mechanism to fight parasitic infections and also served to speed the evolutionary process. Plants invaded the land while animals were limited to living in water environments. Soon though the tides from the moon ebbed life out of the water, opening up the land to the evolution of new creatures. Sometime later air breathing lungs formed, and soon after that backbones. Then predator prey relationships on land formed positive feedback mechanisms accelerating the evolutionary process. A group of mammals became arboreal with forward facing eyes, free dexterous limbs. They later acquired opposable thumbs. These animals increased in size and intelligence steadily. Soon after they left the trees to become our far distant ancestors.